Final Communiqué reloaded By Hashi Yassin Osman
Preamble
The final communiqué has created opposing reactions and interpretations among the various sectors of the Somalis. This is apparent from the verbal kick- and slap based debates known as “Fadhi-ku-dirir”, that are held in the Somali arenas (coffee and teashops), as well as the chat forums (Paltalk and facebook).
Below is the deciphered and abridged version of the final communiqué, as it is heard, regurgitated and understood by the camel drivers of Somalia.
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Key words:
Patient = Somalia, Patient’s wife = Land & sea resources, Face = Mogadishu,
Culturally correct insanity – CCI = clan mentality
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The Somali conference which took place at the International psychiatric Hospital on 7th May 2013 was chaired by the senior physician and his Patient. Fifty-four doctors, assistant doctors, nurses and anaesthetists attended the conference.
The international psychiatric Hospital:
- Reaffirming its respect for the integrity, honour and the rights of the patient
- Recalling its previous recommendations on the overall condition of the patient, as well as the unrealistic suggestion made by the fresh Turkish assistant doctor in the hospital
- Noting the importance of reconstruction and rejuvenation of the disfigured face of the patient
- Expressing concern at worldwide reports of panic and horror caused by the horrendous face of the patient
- Reaffirming the Norwegian concern, regarding the large and the calloused bare feet of the patient’s wife, and the need to moisturize and shrink them.
- Recognizing the significant progress, regarding the federal nervous system of the patient
- Welcoming the international community’s commitment to take steps to ensure monitored and gradual sterilization of the patient
- Agreeing that relationship between the patient’s wife and the international community would form the basis of any continued treatment of the patient
- Reiterating its full support of the representatives of the international community, for their subtle competition to win the heart of the patient’s wife
- Believing that physical (i.e. political) progress without physiotherapy (i.e. reconciliation) remains the key to ensuring long term mental stability for the CCI afflicted patient
- Noting with appreciation and welcoming the beneficial efforts of the Arab League member states, regarding their untiring and endlesstherapeutic prayers for the patient during the last 22 years.
- Appreciating the enigmatic efforts made by the Qatar authority, in monitoring the immune and the circulatory systems of the patient.
- Reiterating the full support of the Saudi authority, who convinced the patient, that his marriage is not valid as a result of his incurable CCI
- Welcoming the positive and practical recommendations made by Italy and Britain, who have a never ending platonic relationship with the wife of the patient
- Commending the contribution of the UN and US to lasting disability and incompetency of the patient
- Reaffirming the contribution of IGAD and Amison, regarding their readiness to faithfully implement UN and US long term objectives
- Underlining the primary importance of the face of the patient
- Expressing concern at the ongoing deterioration of the vital organs of the patient’s body
Decides to carry out the following significant tasks:-
- To provide facial cosmetic surgery – to improve the appearance of the terror-causing face of the patient
- To restore the functioning of all parts of the patient’s face
- To start international fund-raising for the expensive humanitarian operation
Hashi Yassin Osman
Switzerland